Nope, still not me, but I got a little closer today.  I actually touched my own toes with my own fingertips — that’s big for me!  A big thank you to my teacher for her loving and gentle guidance — and a sweet assist.

Okay, so I’ve posted before about things coming up in my ashtanga practice lately, especially as I progress through the opening postures of the intermediate series.

Last time I felt strong sensation (okay, it was pain) in my lower back, but the real issue was in my upper back behind my lungs.  It had to do with some past life issues I had with a yoga teacher.  Lots of grief and guilt housed in there.  I cleared those last week.

So, this week as I took myself through the ashtanga series, as I got closer to those postures that are triggers for me, I felt myself getting tired and lazy.  Since I already addressed the issue of pain and reminded myself that this pain isn’t physical — it’s just a smoke screen for some underlying energetic pain, this sense of laziness and unwillingness was another smoke screen and I knew it.  So I cleared that stuck energy and kept going.

When I got to laghu vajrasana (below) I was feeling pretty strong.  I got my way down and almost got all the way up, just had to put my hands on my heels to assist.  Big progress from last week!

Melanie Everett in Laghu Vajrasana from the Ashtanga Second Series.

So then I tried Kapotasana (above) and I could feel fear coming up — especially around bringing my hands off my chest and neck and reaching them back.  My back started screaming at me in pain — I reminded myself it’s not really pain, it’s really fear.  So I worked through it (yes, it hurt!).  When I was on the top of my head my teacher instructed to reach back for my feet — they just wouldn’t go!  I was frustrated at my body’s unwillingness / inability to do what I wanted it to do.  I wanted my teacher to just put my hands there for me.  Wisely, she didn’t — she instructed me to walk my fingers toward my toes.  Nothin.  She helped bring me out of the posture and I took child’s pose and worked the energy of it before trying again.

What came up this time was past life memories of me making my teacher force me into postures my body wasn’t really ready for.  I manipulated my teacher — I actually had a stronger will than he did and I was acting from my ego, wanting to achieve these postures before I really “earned” them, or patiently waited until they opened up for me.  I manipulated the energy and the relationship and in the end wound up injured.  And, I blamed him for my injury and he felt terrible at being manipulated.  We did love each other, but I was really acting from my ego.  Icky.

So, I tried again and this time as I prepared to get into the posture, I told myself and my teacher that it’s not pain that I’m feeling — it’s all ego.  Tears welled up in my eyes as I could feel how much I misunderstood the purpose of yoga in that previous life and how manipulative I had been.  I wondered if I was acting out of ego in this lifetime as I approached this posture.  I did energy healing corrections before beginning.

My teacher instructed the physical components of the posture — where exactly to place my feet and how to get grounded, how to lift my chest and push forward my hips.  And she assisted me as I bent backward.  My head came to the floor and she instructed me to walk my hands back and relax my shoulders, chest and arms.

And then I could feel something on my toes!!!  It was my own fingers!!!  I was really, really excited!

I was inches away last week and I bridged the gap that much with a combination of solid instruction from my current life teacher and a willingness to look at some ugly energetic layers from a past life.

My angels told me last week that my “inability” to do that posture wasn’t actually inability, but just some energy blocks.

I worked those and the posture began to unfold for me.  And my heart is opening and I’m healing.

It’s really great!  It’s really hard, though.  And, humbling.  And painful.

But the fruits of my energy work are absolutely tangible for me.  And, I’m so happy.

After that I could feel some remnants of the energy work that still had to be burned off, so I took another yoga class just for fun to relieve some tension I had in my physical body, in my emotional body, in my mental body and in my spirit.  I approached that practice with a strong focus and strong body and it felt so good.

I’m going to be physically sore tomorrow, but I’ll be a step freer than I was today.  That’s cool!

My angels told me that next week I’ll clear another layer that will release myself and my former teacher from our relationship together and will get another step closer.  Sounds good — I’m there.

I don’t recommend approaching a strong yoga practice this way unless you understand some energy healing, though.  If you’re not working the soft-body layers, you could truly injure your physical body  I’m just telling you my path and my experience.  If you’re interested in exploring how energy healing can help transform some aspect of your life, let me know.  I love my work and I love you! 

Namaste, Laura

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